Knitting Disclaimers

I was just thinking about how many projects I have laying here and there, you know, the ones that sort of frustrated me or I found boring all of a sudden and put down in favor of another.

What would happen if knitting patterns came with disclaimers?

Would you still knit a scarf pattern if the disclaimer that came along with it said, "Knit at your own risk; the wacky instant self-striping action of the suggested yarn won't fool you into enjoying the 70 inches of garter stitch."

Or would you knit that boxy Noro sweater in the angora/wool blend if it came along with a disclaimer that said: "Those who suffer from at least two of the following: eczema, extremely short stature, or low funds, and mind finding stray bunny hairs in the eyelashes, run the risk of abandoning this pattern in favor of, say, a mercerized cotton or possibly give up knitting altogether."

Or, what about this one: "Warning: The yardage specified in this pattern is incorrect."

Something tells me there's an inner disclaimer factory, one that lives deep in my soul, but I don't let it out much. There's always this inner voice that tells me something or other, and usually I'm right. But there are times when all heck breaks loose within me and I really go for the crapola. And it really is all my fault. It is, but why oh why. Why did I knit this?

First, it cost me an arm and a leg. Even for a vest. Second, it has absolutely no shaping whatsoever. And third, it's called "Lips." You'd think that name alone would be warning enough.

BTW: I finished it and the skirt is sensational. No, really; it is sensational. I wrote to kpixie where I got the pattern and the yarn and asked if they still had the yarn the pattern calls for in stock. (They do). This thing turned out so great that even if it were called "Buns," I'd still knit it. (But then again, what do I know? I knit a vest called "Lips.")

Comments

[Lara]

I can sooo relate to the "disclaimers". I have to say, I am not sure why you knit that vest either, but on the same note, you did a great job. We all have those why oh why's - you are just brave enough to post them!

You are tempting me to knit that skirt. You will have to let us know how it looks after you wear it. Are you going for the boy shorts?

[Wendy]

I think I'm going to go for tights. My Mystic Tan has worn off...

[keohinani]

hehe. there's an idea...
publish patterns without photos or specific yarn brands. slap an approximated yardage, yarn weight, yarn content, gauge, and needle size somewhere, maybe with a description like "vest" or "socks". entitle it "mystery knitting" with a disclaimer at the bottom: for entertainment purposes only. see if anybody buys it. hee hee.

i see you upgraded from duct-tape tinkerbell to another model. how are those light up knitting needles?

[The Steph]

I think they should come with time disclaimers, like: If you REALLY think you're going to finish this anytime this YEAR, you're kidding yourself...

[Kathleen]

Love the disclaimers: how about, "By the time you finish knitting this you will have gained five pounds too many to even think of wearing it" or "You will not finish this before the turn of the fashion cycle and be stuck with a quaint relic of the past only to become a source of amusement on someone's blog"? Ay-ee--the planet of lost knitting is filling up, fast :)

Okay, how about a picture of the skirt?

Kathleen

[Wendy]

pictures coming. Just have to find the right outfit...

[Krista]

We didn't get to see you wearing the vest! That would have been fun!

[elizabeth]

Wendy, I love you and everything you do...but, really, "Lips"? I think this is the very first time that I have raised an eyebrow in your direction.

I cannot wait to see you in that skirt, though. You were so nervous about it, I'm glad it looks good!

[Wendy]

Guys, your eyes would fall out if you saw me in Lips.

[Lisa]

Er, WHY did you knit lips?

[Tammy]

I love it! Yes to disclaimers... definitely! I'm sure a BOLD written disclaimer would grab & hold my attention must better than my inner voice that sheer temptation always convinces me to ignore.

[Tammy]

Oh - Here's another disclaimer for you... "You only think you want to knit this but you will never, ever actually wear it."

[dris]

Let's think outside the box, now.
"Lips" could be part of Wendy's
H-ween costume. Think BIG '80's dark wig (I've been watching Charlie's Angels re-runs.) Pair it with -- gosh, hmmm.... Palazzo pants and Major Gold Jewelry. What could you be? I don't know, but it would be awfully fun to wear.

[Wendy]

well, I do have an afro wig in the closet somewhere. Chuck used to wear it, but I can handle it.

[Michelle]

I am so good at ignoring the disclaimers, like the lacy top I finished this month, even when I knew I wouldn't get to wear it till the weather got warmer again in the spring. And now I am thinking about sweaters that I probably won't finish until the cold is over. Why, why, why.

At any rate your music choices lately have made me beyond happy! I can't stop listening to Vauxhall and I these days.

[Lizbon]

Why does it make me feel so much better to hear that you too have projects that just get stalled out? In my own case, I am fairly certain that most of my half-finished items are that way because of me and not some flaw in the pattern, because I've seen many successful garments made from the same pattern. (Like, for instance, Claptois, which I've attempted twice now...)

But I always have the sneaking feeling that I really ought to finish one thing before I move on to the next...

[Lizbon]

oops, obviously, I meant Clapotis, above.

[Cynthia]

I think it's really funny how you have FABULOUS taste and your designs are so wonderful and yet you knitted "Lips!" That is a crack up- it's the ying and yang of knitting : ) Yeah, where is Tinkerbell???

[Adam]

Ok, I can't stop cracking up at Lips. That's so hilarious! I totally agree, sometimes it's hard to step back and acknowledge the flaws of our knitting projects, since we're so involved in the intimate details. Here's to tragic failures (i.e. Lips) and colossal successes (i.e. Buns).

[Wendy]

Lips and Buns, yeah.

tinkerbell is in use. I had to get a second dress form because I'm so busy with the you-know...

[Brandie]

Oh my, I love reading your blog - and I must say, I would like to see that skirt on you, but Lips? Really.
I have to admit when I looked at it, lips are not the first thing I thought of ... I really thought maybe you wanted it to look like your bra underneath was showing though ROFL!!!

[sparkli]

well i think i am the minority, but i like lips... it's just enough wierd to be pretty cool. i think if the lips were like neon green, then it would be really bad. but i like the vest. i think it's a good one. you could totally wear that out to drinks.

[Miss Scarlett]

HILARIOUS!

Can't wait to see that skirt on - we told you so!

[Tove]

I would really, really need disclaimers for my knitting. Especially since I'm new to knitting and not really realizing the scope of the projects I take on... Not only choosing too hard patterns, but also attempting to modify them without knowing how...

Anyway, I love your blog. When I saw the pic of Lips, I thought "I wonder why she only knit the top half of a heart. How very strange".

[Mandy]

I've been planning my own "Lips" vest for a long time.... with waist shaping, and slightly smaller, non-sparkly lips. In stash yarn. I'm still tempted. Do we get a photo of you in the skirt? :)