It just occurred to me that my mom died about 10 years ago just a few days ago. I say "about" 10 years ago because I'm not the type of person who keeps track. I know that it might be ten or eleven years ago. It might even be nine (but I'm thinking 10), except I do know that it was in February. That she died, that is.
Oddly enough, her sister, my aunt, is suffering right about now. She has a cancer that has spread to her bones and her brain, too.
She left her belongings behind in the Bay Area and is now spending the rest of her time with her daughter in Texas.
The other day, she left me a voice message. She said: "Oh Wendy, I want you to knit me something. I want to feel your knitting around me now. It's not too cold here, but it would be nice to have a cardigan. I don't want a hat. I just want to feel you hug me with your knitting."
Oh my.
I love my aunt Sandy, my mother's sister. The one who sat with her in her last days while I cried nearly 300 miles away and didn't have the strength to be there as well. And now she is having hers and I don't know exactly what to do.
And knitting a cardigan would take me so much time. Probably too long. A cardigan would take me weeks.
And then it hit me. I have boxes and boxes of samples that I knit over the past five years for my books. I have them sitting all around the joint, in boxes!
So, I gathered up a yoked eyelet cardigan, a pair of lacy socks, a triangular shawl and some fingerless mitts. Colors of cinammon, peaches, sea glass, and cornflower blue.
I'm not good at this stuff.
BTW: Vesper Sock Yarn. Rainbow Love. Fingerless gloves but with thumb gussets. I can write down the recipe if you want me to.
You are good at this stuff... Sorry you and your family are going through this. Thanks for writing this post. .xo
Posted by: Robinvk | March 01, 2013 at 11:09 PM
So sorry to read about your Aunt, I don't think anyone is good at this stuff, its shit stuff. Great thinking on the samples, and how lovely that she wants you there in knit form xxx
Posted by: Sezza | March 02, 2013 at 12:55 AM
Sorry you and your family are going through this. Thanks for writing this post
Posted by: cheap jerseys | March 02, 2013 at 01:17 AM
I'm sorry about your Aunt...life is just so hard at times. Your Aunt sounds like a beautiful person; I'm sure she will love the samples...you do such lovely work. Hugs to you and your family...and I can send Reiki too if you would like.
Posted by: Ruinwen | March 02, 2013 at 04:15 AM
Those things will make great "hugs".
Posted by: judith | March 02, 2013 at 05:24 AM
So sorry to hear that. I lost my mom and sister to cancer. My mom wore a pair of socks I knit in her last days. I know your knitting will bring your Aunt comfort.
Posted by: Princess Di | March 02, 2013 at 05:34 AM
Big hugs, Wendy. Much love to you and yours xx
Posted by: Belinda | March 02, 2013 at 06:06 AM
I'm so sorry to hear about your aunt, but I'll bet your package will do her a world of good. There are a lot of good parts to growing up/older, but having to say goodbye to a beloved family member is sure not one of them. In a way, I hope you never get good at that...
Posted by: Maryanne | March 02, 2013 at 07:33 AM
that is so beautiful, wendy. wishing you + your aunt comfort and peace now and always. xoxo
Posted by: jennifer | March 02, 2013 at 09:10 AM
Your aunt will feel loved from head to toe.
I only remember the month that my dad died, too. I'm not good with this type of situation either; reading your thoughts has been very helpful. Thank you for sharing.
Posted by: maryeb | March 02, 2013 at 09:30 AM
That is such a gift from God to have already knitted items to send her!
Posted by: Cindy | March 02, 2013 at 10:14 AM
None of us are good at this, and there is no class we can take or experience we can have that tells us how to be "good" at it. But your dear aunt will be wrapped up in your love and your samples will return to you with her love in them. I am bad with dates, but I remember always one. October 17, 1998, my 36th birthday and the first phone call I received that day was that my dad had lost his battle. It was the last gift he could give me, to be at peace and pain free. My thoughts are with you and your family. <3
Posted by: Cheri | March 02, 2013 at 10:32 AM
A lovely post that made me tear up. I don't think there is anyway to be good at this.
Posted by: Deb | March 02, 2013 at 11:55 AM
Wendy, your aunt will be so thrilled! How wonderful that she knew what to ask for and that you had something already done. Hugs to you and her. A hard time for all.
Posted by: Marjorie McLaren | March 02, 2013 at 12:49 PM
This is such a bittersweet post. I'm so glad that you had something on hand that you could send to your Aunt, and I think the color combination works well. It's earthy and beautiful, and really...the colors aren't what count. Your stitches providing comfort to a beloved member of your family are what count :)
Posted by: Cambria Washington | March 02, 2013 at 01:37 PM
I am so sorry you have to go through this .It will be 2 years this Sept. I lost my oldest sister to cancer.It started in her kidneys and was in her brain lungs uteris and bones by the time she was diagnosed .We had 2 weeks left with her.Today she would be 61 years old.I crocheted a prayer shawl in less than a week when she came through the brain surgery.she wore it until the last day.Your aunt will be truly comforted to be wrapped in your love.my prayers are with you both.
Posted by: Gina | March 02, 2013 at 01:39 PM
When I first read your post I read "I'm not good at this stuff" that you felt like you weren't good at helping, when I re-read, I understood that you meant that you aren't good with dying. You shouldn't have to be. I'm so sorry for you and your family. My thoughts are with you all.
Posted by: jennifer | March 02, 2013 at 05:28 PM
Thank you for writing this message, Wendy. It's a reminder to love with all we have. Yes, please, do write the recipe for the beautiful fingerless gloves .
Posted by: Isobel | March 02, 2013 at 07:05 PM
There's no recipe for dealing with loss. We just get through it the best we can. Praying for you and your family right now.
And yes please, the recipe for the fingerless mitts would be lovely. Some time. When it's right for you. x
Posted by: Ros | March 03, 2013 at 06:13 AM
As a post-script, my aunt died last year in Canada and I live in the UK. It was really hard but what made things better somehow was knowing she felt comforted by the shawl I'd knitted for her and which she wore until she died. Little things can be hugely important at such times. x
Posted by: Ros | March 03, 2013 at 06:15 AM
Dear Wendy,
Forgive yourself the ways that you don't cope well and run with the ways that you do! You did somthing good for your aunt. She'll love the things you sent and feel loved and cherished. Keep on loving her and love yourself.
Posted by: KarenJ | March 03, 2013 at 07:18 AM
So sorry about your aunt. I'm sure she'll feel the love in the knits you send her.
Posted by: technikat | March 03, 2013 at 04:57 PM
Your samples, and maybe a quick scarf to hug her around the neck; like your arms! You don't know about the end times until you go through it. You have, and you will. Hug her hugely!.
And huge hugs to you!
Posted by: Lisa | March 03, 2013 at 06:13 PM
No one is good about this stuff. If you should co across someone who says "death... I got it covered," run! It sucks. And you get through it, somehow. Warm, lovely, hand knits from you will help. As much as anything I guess.
Posted by: Barbara | March 03, 2013 at 10:16 PM
I knit hats for my Gram when she had cancer. She's the one that taught me to knit. I was a new knitter and not all the hats turned out the right size...so she donated the rest to the chemo center. And then she was gone. And it was years before I could knit another hat. There's no way to make it better. But I do know that hand knits are like hugs...and your aunt will appreciate the love that comes with it.
Posted by: KM | March 04, 2013 at 08:52 AM