All the Things I Didn't do.

You know how it is. You have an event that's coming up, maybe someone's leaving for a vacation and you'll be alone or maybe you know that you'll be seeing people you haven't seen for ages so you decide that you'll do all manner of things that will magically transform you into a better version of yourself.

In my case, this past July, I decided, when Girlfriend and HWWV boarded a plane for Southeast Asia, that I would, while I was all alone:

1. Clean out my closet
2. Write three chapters
3. Work out like nobody's business
4. Clean out my closet
5. Eat only organic
6. Possibly get some sort of plastic surgery that no one would notice except they'd think I was somehow looking very rested
7. Clean out my closet

I did nothing of the sort.

This is how the summer has been for me. I am disappointed. I was home alone for two weeks and did nothing but cry--for two days, but who is counting?--and then the rest of it, after they came home, I stared at my computer plotting how I'd transform myself into a new version of me while yelling downstairs at Girlfriend to turn the channel already and that Spongebob Squarepants is a bad influence.

BTW: Girlfriend starts a new school tomorrow. She has a best friend who has followed her there. Somehow, I wish that she were facing the new school alone. I attended many schools over the course of my education and even though I didn't like it at the time, looking back, it was a good thing. I mean, how else would I feel comfortable telling all of you and every random checker at the Albertson's Grocery that I had an iffy summer and that I am the only one on the block who can do a Fireman's Jump?*

*Not that I would expect you to know what a Fireman's Jump is. In true Bernard Fashion, long ago my brother and I decided that the Fireman's Jump is an unattainable feat for mere mortals, i.e., everyone but us. It has to do with running really fast toward the pool and jumping in but managing to keep your shoulders and head above water as you land. There are only three people who can do it that I have found: Me, my brother Marc, and Girlfriend. So, maybe this summer wasn't so bad after all.

Comments

[Barbara]

Maybe summertime is for not doing even one thing on the list.

[Seanna Lea]

I'm with Barbara. While sometimes the summer is for doing productive things, it doesn't have to be. My summer has been full of knitting and embroidery, but it still hasn't come close to having me lose 5 pounds (or the more I was hoping for).

[Samantha]

The problem with time (And Einstein really needed to include this in his theory of relativity) is that the more you have, the less you can get done.
The problem with people is that we don't change and struggle to forgive ourselves for being who we are.
I think you should give up on the bedroom closet (as it clearly isn't bad enough for you to bother with) and tell people you spent the summer wrestling with the paradox of life...

[flossie]

Barbara's got it.

[Suzanne]

fireman jump...maybe there's a YouTube on that.

[Another Joan]

Closets? mine not so much either and do they ever need it! How about by the end of September? Yeah, that's possible. Fireman's Jump? Add one more to your list courtesy of Canadian Red Cross Swimming lessons - about mumblemumble years ago. Amazes the nephews.

[tsai]

i think maybe you mean All, not Al in the header. Unless you wanted to do Al.

[Wendy]

I guess we can add adding an "L" in the header to the list of things I didn't do.

[donna lee]

I went to 4 different schools in 5 years and I am very familiar with being the New Kid. Sometimes it was good and sometimes not so good. But, I can talk to anyone about anything. People talk to me everywhere I go like there's a sign on my forehead saying "yes, I'd like to hear about your life".

And I haven't cleaned out a single closet either. I had such plans.....

[Linda]

It's nice to hear from someone else who wasn't as productive as they hoped to be. Sometimes when reading blogs it feels like everyone else besides me is Wonderwoman!

[Vickie]

I would read a novel written entirely around this post. You capture poignantly sassy and vulnerable so well.

[victoria]

@Linda -- totally agreed! That's just what I came here to say!

[Sarah]

The Fireman Jump is an impressive feat.

Back at school, in NZ we had to do lifesaving. One of the things we had to do to pass our test was to jump into the water and keep our heads above the surface. You did it by scissoring your arms and legs very quickly. I tried to explain it to someone the other day but she didn't understand at all!

I definitely couldn't do it after a running jump though.

[Maureen J]

This has been an unusually hot and humid summer in the LA basin, at least for the last three weeks or so. Even if you have air conditioning, your body's defensive instincts are to rest in the shade and not overheat.

That's my story and you're welcome to it.

[jomamma]

OMG! My sister and used to practice the Fireman's jump all the time... we can do it to! BTW, I didn't do a thing that was on my summer to do list either and I had 6 weeks off from working at a school. AND, we moved our kids to 5 different school districts and now they are very well rounded, social human beings that travel the world every chance they get, moving is a good thing. They NEVER meet a stranger.

[Becky]

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[Margie]

I think I know how to do the Fireman Jump but I haven't jumped off a pier in many a moon. My family moved us to the west coast when I was 6 - so I stayed put until I left for the service at 20. Felt good to get to see many places. My goal for the summer is to get thru all the boxes and whatnot in the basement that I put down there during my remodel last Fall. I am doing a serious declutter now - of all my knitting, sewing, cookbooks, fabric and yarn. OHHHH how hard it is.

[Margie]

(Blink) and I found a pair of size 8 calvins. And other clothes too small to mention...now in the donation pile.

[Chloe]

Sounds like you are like all the rest of us. Except for the Fireman's Jump. You might be Superwoman there.

[Lisa]

Poor SpongeBob...I thought everyone liked him ;-)

[Cleo]

You were awarded the Blog on Fire award! In retun you need to list eight things about yourself or your pets and send the award onto eight other blogs who you feel are on fire.

[Anne]

I, too, can do the fireman's jump, although I learned it as the lifeguard's jump (and so did my mother, who taught it to me, and to my nieces and nephew one summer at the lake)!

[Meredith MC]

I can fireman's jump too!

[Ne]

I love your witty banter! I feel much the same when it comes to getting things done this summer. On some ends I have done a great job, and on others I feel like I missed the boat. Oh well..there is always tomorrow!

I will keep reading...

[Becky]

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