Every time April comes around I find myself in a funk. Funny thing is, after 10 years I would anticipate it. But I don't.
It's like I'm walking down the street and I check my purse for my keys, I make sure I haven't lost my sunglasses or maybe think I forgot to put socks on and then I realize, "oh, yeah, that's what it is: My boyfriend dumped me right before senior prom."
But for me, it's a little more complicated and involves the death of my daughter and every, single, time I am slammed by some sort of terrible, sweeping grief and it's only when the grief is at its pinnacle that I realize why I'm so not myself. April was the month she died.
So, forgive my absence. I'm okay. Everybody has their "stuff." Just like everybody and I have my "stuff," too.
That said, I have been knitting. I have been doing a lot of knitting. I can't share everything, but this I can. I don't have fantastic photos because I just snapped them on my phone, but there you go: Just like life, not everything or situation is perfect so you do what you can to get by. In my case, I knit a semi-circular shawl while Loretta refused to leave my side even though the Manos Laceweight (alpaca/silk/cashmere) kept getting stuck in her "luscious" mane.
This one started with a small patch at the top and I just winged the "pi-shawl" idea while incorporating a stitch pattern that I found in the wonderful Crazy Lace by Myra Wood (I think it might be out of print, but if you can get one, do . . . for 140 bucks; oh, the way the market works). Funny: I didn't even swatch and instead I just used a chart she has in there without testing it first. As I knit, I kept trying to "see" what the lace was "supposed" to look like. I couldn't figure it out. But I kept knitting because I wasn't in a place to rip. I thought I'd just go with it, sight unseen, and knew the knitting itself would pull me through and even if I blocked it and still couldn't "see" what it was supposed to "be," that would be fine with me.
Just like life: Knitting isn't perfect. Sometimes you just have to go with the flow.
I mean, do we even have a choice?
BTW: This shawl is a pattern that I am writing up for a class I'm teaching in July at Anacapa Fine Yarns. It is based on the Sangria Shawl in Custom Knits Accessories (coming out in a matter of DAYS). The class teaches the Sangria Shawl, but for those students who don't have the means to purchase the book, I thought it would be a good thing to come up with something close, but not the same, to teach so everybody can join in.