knit and tonic

Warning: Iffy Photos Ahead

Every time April comes around I find myself in a funk. Funny thing is, after 10 years I would anticipate it. But I don't.

It's like I'm walking down the street and I check my purse for my keys, I make sure I haven't lost my sunglasses or maybe think I forgot to put socks on and then I realize, "oh, yeah, that's what it is: My boyfriend dumped me right before senior prom."

But for me, it's a little more complicated and involves the death of my daughter and every, single, time I am slammed by some sort of terrible, sweeping grief and it's only when the grief is at its pinnacle that I realize why I'm so not myself. April was the month she died.

So, forgive my absence. I'm okay. Everybody has their "stuff." Just like everybody and I have my "stuff," too.

That said, I have been knitting. I have been doing a lot of knitting. I can't share everything, but this I can. I don't have fantastic photos because I just snapped them on my phone, but there you go: Just like life, not everything or situation is perfect so you do what you can to get by. In my case, I knit a semi-circular shawl while Loretta refused to leave my side even though the Manos Laceweight (alpaca/silk/cashmere) kept getting stuck in her "luscious" mane.

This one started with a small patch at the top and I just winged the "pi-shawl" idea while incorporating a stitch pattern that I found in the wonderful Crazy Lace by Myra Wood (I think it might be out of print, but if you can get one, do . . . for 140 bucks; oh, the way the market works). Funny: I didn't even swatch and instead I just used a chart she has in there without testing it first. As I knit, I kept trying to "see" what the lace was "supposed" to look like. I couldn't figure it out. But I kept knitting because I wasn't in a place to rip. I thought I'd just go with it, sight unseen, and knew the knitting itself would pull me through and even if I blocked it and still couldn't "see" what it was supposed to "be," that would be fine with me. 

Just like life: Knitting isn't perfect. Sometimes you just have to go with the flow.

I mean, do we even have a choice?

BTW: This shawl is a pattern that I am writing up for a class I'm teaching in July at Anacapa Fine Yarns. It is based on the Sangria Shawl in Custom Knits Accessories (coming out in a matter of DAYS). The class teaches the Sangria Shawl, but for those students who don't have the means to purchase the book, I thought it would be a good thing to come up with something close, but not the same, to teach so everybody can join in.

Trying on an In-Progress Sweater is Like Standing on the Scale.

Knitting can be such a crap shoot. Sure, you can knit a little doll or maybe a dog blanket on the fly and it turns out great but when it comes to knitting--for yourself, especially--you might find, after you do try it on, it is time for a cocktail.

Or, in my case, fewer cocktails. I am usually a size six, sometimes a four and sometimes a two (due to vanity sizing at the likes of The Gap, et al, which is another subject altogether and in my mind they need to banish it, big time, sheesh).

So, here we go: I'm knitting along with a class I'm teaching. It's all about knitting round-yoke top-down sweaters. We're doing the math and trying on as we go. Thing is, I let my personal duct tape dummy go a few months ago during a closet clean-out and decided to use my trusty dress form (dress size six) that I use when I design for books/magazines. This usually works well for me because I know that whatever sample I'm making needs to be a little snug on the dress form. But for me? Uh. . . a little looser . . . in the middle section.

But as of today, I have decided that I've let myself go. I guess I figured that as long as my upper arms, bust and thighs haven't changed that I'm all good.

I'm not.

It's my middle.

I'm owning up:

Just like I told my sister when she first became pregnant and had morning sickness, "No matter how sick you feel, the good news is, being pregnant means that for the first time in your life you'll relax your abs."

My problem is, it has been nine years since Girlfriend was born and I'm still relaxing them.

(I don't like how I finished the bottom, so I'm ripping and re-knitting. Plus, I'll add a couple inches. My belly hiked that sucker up way higher than I thought it would. This is why trying an in-progress sweater onto your own body and not your perfectly shaped dress form is worth the extra five minutes of your time.)

BTW: This is Cascade Eco. I love that it has taken one skein so far. I'll use the second one (just a tiny bit of it) to finish the sleeves. I think they'll be short.

Making Stuff

My heart broke for Girlfriend last night when she discovered that what she had in mind to sew (a stuffed bear with button eyes) didn't turn out the way she wanted it to. When she showed it to me I asked her what it was. She said a bear. I said, "you mean the type of bear you see on the flag of California?" and she said not that kind, but a teddy bear.

Ooops.

And we sort of stared into each others eyes for a moment and I saw hers start to tear up. "Does it make you sad that it doesn't look like you thought it could, or how it would?"

So, I sat down with her, took some more felt, and gave her a little help on another one. This time, it turned out a little better and she took it to school this morning to show her friends.

Problem is, this sort of thing happens to all of us, at all ages. It's kind of like discovering that those Sea Monkeys really don't wear those crowns and they're just icky brine shrimp, instead. As an adult it happens to me constantly, like when I buy some lovely fabric and a great pattern and it comes out looking like a potato sack. Or, spending all day dreaming of how fantastic a particular knit object will look when it finishes blocking . . . and it turns out to be a total flop.

I guess that's the way things go sometimes.

But there are other times when making things is so fun and comes so effortlessly that you never ever forget the joy. I guess that's why we continue to "create."

Easter Eggs without a Paas Box (the way I like them, and they turn out waaaay better)

What you'll need: coffee mugs or small bowls, assorted food coloring, white vinegar, vegetable oil (for marbling the eggs) and tap water

All you do is this: Put about 20 drops of food coloring in each vessel. You can combine colors to customize if you want to. Then, put in a tablespoon or a little more of vinegar into each. Add room temperature tap water and blend. Then, if you want to have marbled eggs, float a little vegetable oil on top.

And if you want to pre-dye your eggs before adding a marbled layer, dye them without the oil first, then add the oil later, then re-dip. You can experiment by dipping and then rubbing the color off with a rag. That one on the table in the front was done that way.

BTW: I have nothing against those Paas boxes, but somehow, the fancy pictures on the boxes never match the final product.