Who To Call When a Bug Flies Into Your Ear

I got a frantic phone call from my sister this afternoon. She said that a bug flew into her ear when she was gardening and didn't know what to do. Her husband is in Cabo San Lucas with friends so she didn't know who to ask.

"Oh. This is a "mom call," I said.

"But it flew in and it was buzzing around and it wouldn't come out. So I got a q-tip and stuck it in there and I must have killed it because there is blood. Now, I can't get it out of there. What should I do?"

After we talked for a few minutes and I hung up, Girlfriend asked me why I said that it was a "mom call."

"You know our mom died before you were born, right? She was your grandma. So, now Dooze is all alone and since I'm her big sister, she will call me if a weird thing like a bug flying into her ear happens. Or, she'll call me to find out if it is okay to use a six-month old frozen turkey. For me, since I don't have a mom anymore, I'll call my friend Wilma to ask a question like that. Or I'll call Betty at the yarn shop."

Or, if it is about money, I call my dad, and if he isn't there, I'll call my big brother."

"So if you are gone and daddy is gone, who am I gonna call?"

Ugh. I hate it that she is alone.

Comments

[Jen M.]

Oh my goodness. Girlfriend's question made me want to cry.

[Michelle]

How about her Aunt Dooze? Or someone she hasn't yet met? In time she will figure out those people who are good for "mom calls". I'm going to guess that you didn't know Wilma or Betty when you were girlfriend's age.

[sophanne]

O.K. is it seriously Wilma and Betty? If so- Gfriend might just find her own Judy Jetson.

I've got three or four "moms" that I call. They appear in life as you need them. That's what I know. No one is ever alone.

[sara]

:(

[Wendy]

Hah! Yes, it is Wilma and Betty. Never put the two together...

[Jeanne B.]

Girlfriend's question broke my heart because I have the same one, since my parents died in 2006. No brothers, no spouse. My sister is OK for gardening or cooking info, though. And I have a guy friend who is sort of OK in that department. But not like Dad in the finances. I could really use his advice right now.

I think lone wolfs like me and Girlfriend need to form a sub-family of our own for these reasons.

[BethC]

She will find who she needs, when she needs them, no worries!

[Angela]

I was am an only and I have found my own tribe. I know that when that sad day comes, I have several peopls I can call for those "Mom" moments. Being an only is not so bad, she will be strong and independant, take it frome me :)

[rudee]

OK, Wilma and Betty threw me too. Very cute.

Girlfriend will find her own posse of advisors-just like you did. Don't worry, she'll figure it out.

[jomamma]

So touching... If she's old enough to ask the questions then she's old enough to play "what if." I used to play this with my kids when they were young. Just adjust the question to her age at the time... "what if you can't find mom in the store?" At the age of 5 my son went to the nearest service counter in Wal-mart (got separated from older sister in the toys), promptly told the clerk, "Will you call my mom to come get me, she's lost!" At another time "what if there's a fire at the neighbor's house?" My daughter came in one day at the age of 10 and called the Fire Dept when someone dumped a hot hibachi in the trash dumpster and set it on fire. A Firemen said that the dispatcher said she was perfect on the phone. "What if there's a tornado?" My kids have 'weathered' many a tornado and several hurricanes, they know... always keep an eye on the weather. Now that they are grown and on their own I don't have to worry when my son is backpacking Europe for 6 weeks or my daughter is a stewardess/deck hand on a private sailing yacht that sails all over the world. Teach them not to be afraid, they can handle what ever comes their way as long as they are calm. People get hurt when they are paralyzed by fear. We do get "Mom and Dad" calls from time to time, but usually when they are bragging on how they handled the problem.

Oh and when a bug flies into your ear, put a lit flashlight up to it and the bug will come to the light.

[Cheri]

She will have someone to call. Sometimes the parental advice we seek doesn't come from family. But still it's hard when they ask us some of those "who do I turn to" questions.

[Luise]

She'll make her own "family," which can have some advantages over one's real family. I've learned that holidays are hard if you don't have family -- but can be awful if you do. She's been dealt her own special deck of cards, and you'll teach her how to play them to advantage. She too will learn that no one's life is perfect and that she can cope with hers beautifully.

[Jenn]

OK, I'll ask...what DO you do if a bug flies in your ear?

[Wendy]

I told her to jump into her pool and swim a bit and then lean her head to one side. After that, if it didn't work, then I told her to put a bit of rubbing alcohol or hydrogen peroxide in the ear, swish it around and then tip to the other side.

IF that didn't work, I told her to call my ENT and leave a message with his service. He will call her back.

HWWV once stuck a plastic army man in his ear, or it was a fake bullet...something like that. He had to go get it removed.

Me? I've never been one of those who sticks things in my ear or nose.

[Lynn in Tucson]

I'm the mother of one (and only one) as well. I know the feeling but I comfort myself with the fact that there are many, many single children out there who have a) turned out just fine and b) are surrounded by people they love and trust and can count on.

I know; I married one!

[Melinda]

Tell her it's another good reason to knit. Then she can call the woman at the yarn shop too. :-)

[Mary-Kay]

I want to hug you Wendy.
Luv,
Mary-Kay

[dawn s]

She will have her aunt! That is more than kids in China.

[Julie]

I've never commented on your blog before..
You should not beat up on yourself for having only one child by choice or otherwise. I am an only child & both my parents were gone in my early teens. I have never felt 'only' or alone. I have the best network of friends & extended family who are there if and when i need them for friendship or just to hang out with. My parents are 'with me' every day. Your daughter is not missing out on anything she has everything she needs, she has your love and support. She will never be alone. I love the knitting you do, it's inspirational.

[Pam Grushkin]

The suspense it getting to me, did she get the bug out?

[Lara900]

Hi Wendy,

like others said: she can probably come up with answers to her own question. Just like you have several different people you turn to, and not all are your blood family -- so will she.

My son makes up scenarios like that, and it is always a bit heartbraking for me to hear him prepare like that, but then also, it proves how resourceful he is, and I'm confident that he will be fine, even if he only has one parent, and no siblings. Like the day when he said: "Mom, when you die, I am going to bury you, don't worry. And I'm going to go live with G&B."

In my mind, my now five-year-old does not suffer from being an only child with a single mom, if anything, it makes him more resourceful.

It's great that your family is so functional and you guys call each other up for advice.

[Kim]

Heart wrenching. She can always come here and ask the blog!

[Denise]

She has cousins right? Develop those relationships! She will not be alone!

[SheBakesCakes]

Girlfriend is not alone! We only children have many, many loving people in our lives to whom we can turn in times of trouble, both serious and not-so-serious.

I'm an only child and my mother died 12 years ago when I was 26. The first time I made mashed potatos, I called my Aunt Francie to ask if I should boil the spuds whole, or cut them into pieces. When I had a mouse infestation (I live in NYC), I called my Aunt Francie (again) who taught me about snap traps. When I have boy problems or just want to chit-chat, I call my Aunt Irene, who's both funny and sympathetic. When I had to do a reading at a cousin's wedding, my Aunt Anne showed up with the Bible passages marked with Post-Its so that I would know how to begin and end my section.

As with many only children, I spent a lot of time around adults when I was young, and my connections to my aunts and uncles has only grown stronger as I have aged. Since
my mother's passing, my cousin's and I are closer than ever. I'm also incredibly close to the parents of several of my childhood friends.

There's never a guarantee that siblings will be close when they grow up. Family is who you make it to be, and it sounds as though you have a pretty amazing one. So, no worries about girlfriend being alone, because it doesn't sound as though she will be.

[Julie]

Now I'm crying... I'm 50 years old and lost my mother over 30 years ago. I've been making and receiving Mom calls all my life. So sad. I still miss her terribly after all these years.

And hey - I've got four siblings but none of them are worth a damn in the love and support department. I get by with a little help from my friends - and Girlfriend will, too.