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The Bunny has some sort of a growth beneath her right eye. It has been there for a couple months and it just started growing faster the other day to the point where I know we should take her to the vet. She's more than 13 years old, I think. I don't know for sure how old she is because we rescued her when she was still tiny. Thing is, she remained so for about a year or two afterwards and Lois kept trying to take her out, so we allowed her to sleep between our two pillows; otherwise, Lois would descend upon her like a vampire in major heat.

But The Bunny finally grew and she still, to this day, believes that she should sleep between our two pillows. Thing is, she's at least 30 pounds. That's 22 more than little Rocko, and we wouldn't ever allow him in in our bed. We fight with her every night so that she will sleep at the foot of the bed instead of at our heads. Lately, she's been sleeping between my legs and man oh man I crave and dream for the day when I can sleep with my legs regular-like. I wake up with a cramp, but I still don't want her to go.

I finally cleaned my office/studio (I feel stupid calling it a studio because we have carpeting) and although I thought when I embarked on the task my mind would instantly clear when all the skeins were put away, still, my mind has not cleared. I want to finish so many things. I wonder why all my UFO's sit on my soul as if they weighed three hundred pounds. I wonder why all of a sudden my father is wondering if I want a blown up picture of my mother even though they divorced a million years ago and she has been dead for about five. He remarried in the 80's and has moved four times.

He tried to put her away a long time ago, just like I put away a lot of projects and dreams: a PhD, a second child, another Clapotis, a knit denim sweater, the idea of wearing a bikini again, a real tan, the ability to pack up and move in the same day. No clutter. Surfaces, Darling.

La la la la la la la la. Dare to be one of us, girl, Facing the Android's Conundrum, Ah, I feel like I should just cry.

Comments

[(formerly) no-blog-rachel]

Good lord, 30 pounds? I hear you on the sleeping between your legs thing. Our Beagle does the same to me sometimes and when I get up in the morning after a night of that, I hobble around for a while like an old woman.

Hope everything ends up ok.

[rudee]

But nothing happens every time I
take one on the chin.

[Megan]

I also have a pet (cat) that feels that she needs to sleep between my legs...however I am just grateful that she has finally stopped leaping from the bookshelf onto my chest as I sleep.

And I understand your concern about the number of UFOs you have...I am getting ready to move again and have NO idea where all of these skeins of yarn came from...some I don't remember buying...could it be reproducing in the back of my closet?

[Wendy]

You Himmler and your coat,
You don't know how long I've been,
Watching the lantern dim,
Starved of oxygen . . .

[Tammy]

I find UFOs to be quite a burden as well. It doesn't stop me from starting more projects, but it does weigh me down and make it feel more like work at times.

[Cheri]

Hope everything is okay with Bunny, my dog had a growth on her nose that seemed to grow overnight and then stopped. We called it her beauty mark.

I never have an over abundance of UFO's (a friend told me I'm weird because I start and finish projects). Right now on needles I have a sock and about an inch of Hemp for knittings lacy little top (oh, and I have the cast on stitches for another sock). If I have too many things on needles then I can't decide upon which project I should work.

[Laura from Italy]

I have been reading your blog for a while and lately you always seem so sad and downhearted. I wish I could do something to put back a smile on your face. I too have big problems with my joints, and I know how it is to feel in pain most of the time. Hold on, ok? Your bunny is just like my cat Miranda. She slept all her life between my legs. I eventually managed to be able to twist the upper part of my body without moving the legs. That was doable because Mimma slept under the covers, though. Don't ask me how she managed to breathe!

[mary j]

Girl, you know there is a time for everything-- the big picture of your mom or the UFO's or the PhD-- just like you never dreamed you'd be knitting like a demon and authoring a book and a blog to share your amazing talent and may I say flair with us all. Just give things time to unfold, you never know...sending some peace to your spirit tonight.

[the Lady]

I agree with Mary J. Also - it's never too late, (for most things) until you're dead.

[Hanna]

Wow, what a moving post! It's amazing how you weave together so many stories and images into a single, powerful theme.

We all struggle with the clutter, physical and otherwise. It's a weight, to be sure, but you're not alone!

On another note, let me say from the trenches of PhD study: it's not fun! In fact it's the opposite. And it usually lasts for the better part of a decade. UGH!

[Michelle]

Seems like in this day and age, 40 being the new 30 and all, we strive to stay young, yet our angst still catches up with us. Like our being doesn't allow us to show a 40+ lifetime of experiences. I struggle with clutter every day, both physical and emotional. But that comment about the Ph.D. lasting the better part of a decade? That sounds clutter-y to me. Personally, keep forging ahead with what you are doing...I have to believe there is a light at the end....

[Katarina]

Oh dear - I agree with Mary J's post. I'm 53 and I have five cats, three of them unsually sleeping in our bed - one between DH (63) and me, one between my legs and one on the pillow (we have a big 120 x 40 cm pillow).
DH and I both struggling with back pain and other afflictions of "old age". And with lots of UFOs and "co-ordinated" clutter. It weighs, ok. But all the (yarn) stash and precious mess still provides flashes of inspiration for new projects ;-)
Take good care of yourself and of your Bunny - that's the best you can do anyway. And - as we old 1968er used to say: Take it easy - but take it!
Best wishes and a big hug!

[Amy]

I hope Bunny is OK. I'm sure she is being well cared for.

I saw both the preview of your book and the pattern you did for Jennifer this weekend at TNNA, and both are fantastic. You should be so proud! We'll look forward to having both in our shop this fall.

Amy

[Katherine]

Ha! I laugh in the face of UFO's. Join me! Whenever one, or a dozen, harass you show them who is boss by starting another project, maybe a Clapotis. Take the world by the neck and squeeze while you call your office a studio. The older I get the more determined I become to fight back.

Hope The Bunny is better soon and has a sudden revelation that sleeping on the floor is fun!

[Debbie]

Oh, my! I love the bunny story. I hope the growth magically disappears. Poor thing. Oh, how we love our pets! You're a good pet mommy!

[lynda]

No clutter, surfaces darling... sounds like my hubby, well except that he doesn't call me darling. He's big on wide open surfaces and no clutter... and after 27 yrs, I'm starting to come around ;o)

Hope The Bunny is doing well

[allie]

You know, usually I just read the blog and love everything you say. Your Shins reference made me feel the need to comment.
I have to say that sometimes the stress of UFO's get to me and I just finished my first year of college so I am basically living in the mess of two separate rooms. The clutter can really take a toll on me emotionally. And giving up what you've wanted to do is always difficult.
Well, anyway, I hope that Bunny's problem is taken care of and will continue to contort your legs into crazy shapes during your sleep. (My cat does the same thing)

[Christy]

I'm so sorry to hear about your Bunny. I hope everything turns out ok. But it sounds like you are suffering from Kitchen Sink Syndrome. Don't try and pile everything on at once. One thing at a time...

[Dannette]

When it rains it pours but my grandpa used to always say how things "never stay the same" like it was a mantra or something. When it's going well, they will get worse and when things are poopy, they WILL get better. Hope Bunny isn't so bad after all...after you do break down and take her to the vet :-)

[Miss Scarlett]

Uh-oh, I hope your bun-bun will be ok.

30 lbs?! I have a cat that size that sleeps right at my feet most of the time, other times she moves between my legs too - so yeah. Bed sharing isn't something you bargain into getting a pet but it is a reality isn't it?

[Lizbon]

Why is it that my favorite blog posts are always the ones where the writer sounds confused, or is just writing to find her way out of something. Or into something. Or something.

Anyway, I think it's because those are the ones that feel true.

I hope the Bunny's eye will be okay, though I know that with an aging pet there's always a good chance that it won't be. Life is a confusing, tangly thing, isn't it? Lovely, and surprising, and heartrending, but often weird and unclear. Anyway. I'm here, reading, and while I am not in your shoes, my own pinch that way sometimes too.

[DonnaC]

Do something fun today and completely for yourself. While you're at it, make sure it is completely counterproductive too. {hugs}

[Rev. Linda]

MmmHmmmm.

[Jean]

Hi. I'm your number one emergency vet fan. Your posts have seen me through more than a few late night/early morning hours at the vet hospital, trying to rouse myself enough to keep writing records, stay sharp for that c-section/trauma/bloat surgery, and make it through to morning when my relief will come in. They amuse me, remind me that on the otherside of the night there is a world of beauty, whimsy, of no pain, and where the gravest consequence of a miss-stitch is ripping out a bit of yarn. Thanks for it all.
If I can give something back, it would be to urge you to get your Bunny (a cat?) in to a really good vet sooner rather than later.
Chin up, young person,
J

[Susan]

Hi there,

Just want to share some personal experience with the lump/bump on your cat's eye. It could be a chalazion, or other type of tumor. My dog has one on his lower eyelid and it was teensy for the longest time and then became active and grew large. Looked horrible, but the vet said it was painless, if a little annoying to him. We've worked with different homeopathic remedies for him, and now the chalazion is not noticeable.

Hope Bunny is well. :-)