"Productive Knitting" Oxymoron? Anyone?

My friend, who could probably be your friend by now based on the number of times I've mentioned her, the one whose cousin plays guitar with his toes and who has a knack for the malapropism, when I called her today for a break in what has been a three-day knit fest (one word: deadline) she said, "Oh! You must have ESPN! I was just thinking about you and boom, the phone rings and it's you!"

Well, she got me thinking about what I was hoping this week would be: a week full of Productive Knitting.

Now, that, my friends is word misuse if I ever heard one: Productive Knitting. Sure, it's a bit more subtle than her remark about ESPN or the remark an old colleague made to HWWV when he walked into the office with a new suit ("I love your entourage!"), but Productive Knitting is about as crazy-weird when the two words are put together and just about as good as any decent malapropism should be, maybe even better. But I'm a knitter.

Sheesh. Knitting these days, at least for me, is about as slow going as ever. And I'm not sure if it is because I have been interrupted constantly (The Bunny throws up a hairball, the dogs fight over it. Girlfriend spills a liter of apple juice, then stands there crying while I try to finish a row. Girlfriend continues to cry while I try to finish another row. I think I see someone running through my backyard in the reflection of my reading glasses. It's a prowler! It's a coyote! No, it's that wad of tissue I keep meaning to pick up off the grass! And then I hear a crash coming from inside the freezer. Seems one of the shelves has collapsed under the weight of all my Lean Cuisine's.)

Oh, and guess what? There aren't any activity points attributed to Knitting in the online Weight Watchers activity list. I checked. If only those people over at Weight Watchers had any idea.

The good news is, at least my neighbors very likely think I'm having a week of Productive Knitting, what with all the closed windows and such. They know, in the same way I know what they are doing too--the Italian Restaurant Neighbor just got a huge LCD panel even though he's never at home--that when I sneak out to the mailbox wearing pajamas and no makeup or bra along with that very old T-shirt from Hallmark with a picture of Maxine splashed on it and the words: "I had a tummy tuck this morning. I tucked it in my pantyhose," that some really great and super productive things are happening under our roof. You know: Productive Knitting.

If only they knew.

Comments

[rudee]

At least you're productive at something. I've not knit a thing in a week. I did read the new issue of IK though so maybe it counts. Your friend sounds charming..

[marycatharine]

Productive? Well strike one for me... however I admire your tenacity.

[villalena]

weight watchers? you don't seem to need it! you look great!

[Wendy]

weight watchers took off my post baby weight and I keep going back to it. . .

[donna lee]

I am definitely a process knitter. I am slow and don't get any faster with a deadline. I would be quite frazzled with the idea of production knitting. I don't even make holiday gifts for people because I'm afraid I'll rush and spend more time ripping than knitting!

[Linda]

I am afraid that we use the term ESPN in our house the way your friend does too. It is a line from the movie Mean Girls. Fortunately I have never seen that movie, but my kids have and so now it is one of those oft repeated things we say when we actually mean ESP. It's nice to know that we are not the only crazy family around!

[Laura]

Thanks, Linda for explaining the ESPN-ESP thing. I'm feeling like the ditzy girl in Mean Girls.
I'm in the need of some productive knitting time. I don't care if it's silly. I just visited my mom. Her favorite knitting store was having a sale. 25% off my favorite Italian yarns. I now have new yarn for three new sweaters. If only I had that Maxine t-shirt. I'm sure that would help the knitting productivity at my house.

[Mary in NC]

knitting = calories burned!

Go to http://www.caloriesperhour.com/index.php
Choose "Calories Burned Calculator" tab, then Activity Calculator, then hit "K". Choose Knitting, put in your weight and time spent knitting, then hit Calculate. Voila! All those calories burned show up!
Bookmark the site. I love that knitting burns calories!

[Jo Ann]

One for you: My boyfriend told me that the woman was so skinny she looked dyslexic.

[~drew emborsky~]

Is it comforting to know that someone in Houston totally understands? ;)

[Judy B]

I think the Yarn Harlot has quoted 100 as the number of calories burned per hour of knitting.

[Jeanette]

Jeeze, a 100 calories per hour... you'd think I'd be in better shape.

It's always comforting to hear I'm not the only one who wears pjs, no makeup, and no bra when I'm being "productive". My roommate is extremely beautiful and stylish and gets dressed no matter what-- even if she's staying home writing a paper! I was beginning to think I was the only lazy person who preferred to pass on a shower in favor of using those 20 minutes for knitting time. I mean, I love to get dressed up as much as the next girl, but what's the point when the only thing seeing you that day are some hanks of yarn?

[Jeanette]

*THINGS

[MonkeyGurrl]

She did NOT really say "ESPN" and get the humor. I refuse to believe it. :) The only thing funnier is Jo Ann's boyfriend's comment. That is friggin HI-larious.

Sorry your life is so hectic, but if it makes you feel any better, it makes my life seem mild by comparison.

[rita]

I haven't been productive in two weeks. I've got a bad case of The Stupids and have spent more time ripping out than I've actually knit. How can that be possible?

[kathy b]

hee hee hee you make me laugh. Does tissue cover knitting count?

[Patti]

You are the funniest thing on the web - this made me snort with laughter and scare the dog and cat!

[Annie]

I am such a terrible knitter. All I can knit are those dish cloths that are done on the diagonal. And even then if I lose a stitch or do something wrong, I can't fix it. I have to unravel the whole thing and start from the first loop AGAIN! I could never do a cute thing like that cowl neck sweater you made up. I admire you all so much.
But we all have our strengths. I have made several wedding dresses (full train, beading lace and the whole 33 yards) and I alter prom dresses and the like. But that's easy. Knitting on the other hand is something that makes me tear my hair out. I wish I were good at it, I really love knit things. . .
*sigh*

~a