Trying to Laugh it Off

It is hard to find nice looking reading glasses, you know, the ones that don't necessarily make you look like you are blind as a bat or ones that magnify your eyes to the size of melons. Usually, the reading glasses I find at the drugstore give me that middle-aged look, not that being middle aged is bad, or that cross-dressing is bad, or that someone who puts pink rinse on their gray hair rather than the usual blue is bad, either. It's just that I need to hang on to whatever thread of youth I have, and wearing reading glasses on the stationary bike at the gym sort of smacks of being middle aged, especially when they keep slipping off the tip of your nose when you are trying to read your large print best-seller novel.

Speaking of the cross-dressing reference, I thought that I wouldn't mention it, but I'm listening to Ru Paul's music at the moment and I just have to say that I went to the gym at my not-usual time. I didn't run into the interesting guy who always eats Hawaiian food out of a container whilst circling the cardio area, and I wish I did--just to mention it in passing and good old fashioned reverie. Instead, I happened upon the guy with the french manicure. He was walking out and I noticed he was wearing his gym shorts, a cute top, and sensible black heels. So, I quickly searched my gym bag for a few seconds, and coming up with nothing, I grabbed my Blackberry and texted HWWV. I wrote:

"I was just thinking that guys who cross dress normally don't have very good taste in shoes."

And he wrote: "Let me guess . . . You don't have your little memo pad with you today."

Then I wrote: "You're right; but I just had to say, that guy who does the female impersonator stuff just left the gym with a guy outfit and heels."

And he wrote: "Oh yeah; I've seen him. He does have bad taste in shoes. But he sure has a mean hair-do, even after a gnarly spinning session. I know this."

It is good to have someone in your life who understands you.

Back to the new glasses. The good news is, I finally found some reading glasses that I really like at Target for only a buck in the dollar bin. (Score!) I actually managed to wear them all day without losing them or sitting on them and I even chit-chatted with a nice and cute checker at the Whole Foods Market for a few minutes. You know, all in all, I could say I had a five-star day.

The thing is, I managed to wear these new specs the entire day without anyone pointing out that the sticker that said +2.00D was still on one of the lenses, and this sticker was stuck over my good eye, to boot.

BTW: I'm working up a pattern using the Damask, and I'm thinking a cute cardi, something you could throw on over a tank or even a bathing suit in a pinch. I'm sort of stuck right now, though because it is a lot like linen and other natural fibers and I want to put something lacy at the bottom, not necessarily lace, but something airy and I'm sort of not quite at the crossroads with the idea, if you know what I mean.

Comments

[devon]

love the colors in that yarn. and, unrelatedly, love your pattern in the upcoming IK!

[Darci]

I have the same glasses from the dollar bin. I grabbed 5 different pairs so that I can spread out the love. One of them is a great plaid.

[Good Yarns]

i love how the HWWV knows you so well.

[Wanett]

I'm really glad to know that my husband and I are not the only couple who send odd text messages to each other. Although ours are usually about people we see when riding the bus.

Could you maybe do some funky drop stitch action? I've been diggin broomstick lace crochet lately too. But that's kind of a pain in the ass to work for a long stretch.

[Jess]

Oh that's awful! How embarrassing! I love your honesty. You look all put together and stylish... far beyond me. lol! I love hearing that you're human too. :)

[Kirsten]

It was a difficult day when I finally had to break down and buy my jeans in that awful "next size up". The next day I grumblingly pulled them on and drove my kids to school. On the way home I stopped at the local coffee joint to grab a cup. I smiled pleasantly as I walked past the flocks of local moms (many of whom still behave as if they are in jr. high). One of the group, one who never, never has a hair out of place, came up to me and quietly pointed out that I had the sticker, boldly displaying my new size running down my butt and leg.

[gay]

i was admiring that rowan damask and it is lovely knitted up. i love the idea of a little bit of lacey or airey edge on a nice linen cardi. looking forward to seeing yours.

[Debbie]

Saw you Book To Be on your side bar. Zipped over to Amazon to pre-order it!

[Julie]

i feel ya. kinda like wearing that long sticker down the side of my new jeans to my 30th bday party that read my size. eeeegads. you had me laughing so hard with the sticker on the glasses!

[Marnie]

Ha! That is so something I would do, only I'm not sure I'd figure it out by the end of the first day.

As for cross dressing, I used to go to a goth club, in my college days, because it wasn't the meat market that most clubs were, back in Boston and I could just go dancing in relative peace. There was a pretty large contingent of cross dressers but I don't think they did it by trade or even very regularly. You could spot them from the moon. They'd be at a dance club wearing what your aunt Marge would wear to a PTA bake sale. It was always a dead give away. At least in that crowd, no matter how perfect the look was overall, I could always tell they guy by his inappropriate choice of attire for the occasion.

[Gayle]

Your life is just too exciting. If a cross-dressing farmer walked into the coop here, the planet would cease to rotate. Nuthin' exciting ever happens.

I wore a sticker on cheap sunglasses once and spent the whole baseball practice chatting with the other moms, who never said a word. My defense, too, is that it was on my bad eye.

[kelly]

I'm working up a similar pattern right now out of hempathy. I can't wait to be done.

[lynda]

yeah... funny how you can't see that little sticker on the glasses when you are actually wearing them. Um, not that I would know ;o)

[Tammy]

It's great that you and your husband understand each other like that! I knit a gift for my mom with that yarn before... it's really nice. I can't wait to see what you come up with.

[Darlene]

wendy

we all do silly things like leaving the tag on the glasses or the sticker on new jeans that advertises that you are not only fat your short too! thanks for the laugh
enjoy your sticker free day! d

[Tara]

I have totally had that day! :) I think everyone has. Love your blog!

[Lori]

Just download that novel to your ipod. Then you don't have to worry about the large print or the reading glasses while peddling at the gym and maintaining your youthfulness!

[Wendy]

I can't see my ipod without glasses . . .

[Anna]

I bought my readers at Steinmart and they have rhinestones that match my hair. Maybe I'm channelling my mother... (http://stitchbitch.blogspot.com/2007/01/cheaters.html)

[Jennifer]

I guess I'm not alone in the sticker-on-the-pants thing. sigh. I got prescribed bi-focals the other day. sigh (again). Hello 40's!

[the Lady]

What about contact lenses?

[Carrie]

I've always wanted to need reading glasses. Don't ask me why. I have regular glasses, so strong that it makes my eyes look like teensy little dots. I've always thought ti would make me feel smart to peer over my glasses at my students, or children, or whoever. I have some lovely pink ones that I purchased, just waiting for the day that I'll need them. Every now and then my eyes do something funky where I think that they might be beneficial, but its not really happened yet for me.

[MonkeyGurrl]

"chit-chatted with a nice and cute checker"?! Not bad, Ms. Magoo. If you ever decide to ditch HWWV and run away with the checker, be sure to let me know.

[Wendy]

Not sure the checker thought much of me with that sticker there on my lenses.

[elizabeth m]

I tell you, the middle-aged eyes are a real drag. I try to take all the rest of it in stride, but the glasses drive me nuts. And no, it's not even a vanity thing. It's the mechanics of it: on the face, off the face; switching back and forth from close things to far things. I'm thinking about getting bifocals, with a neutral area for not-reading, just so I can leave them on my face and be done with it.