knit and tonic

Old Picture, But Heck, It Works

Just when you think the day's going to be a lousy one because you show up at the gym and, to your horror, there's only the tiniest slice of life left on your iPod battery, you turn it on anyway and bite the bullet through a whole hour of K.C. & the Sunshine Band on low (because you worry that if you change the song or turn up the volume it'll will die on you and you'd have to stop your workout), yet the thing rallies through and next thing you know, the hour's up, the clouds part and as a bonus, the girl who dances to all the Britney songs drops her stuff and mimics the whole shebang to the "Oops! I Did it Again" video and then a new guy shows up and plops down on the black leather settee the whole hour you're there and talks loudly to himself about how hard he works out twice a week (turns out he was talking on some sort of secret phone but it was entertaining anyway).

All this, and a pattern I'm working on for Stitch Diva that I've had to reknit for what feels like a billion times, but the thing has to be right, so I'll do what I have to do to get it so it looks like my original sketch. It'll be fine in the end, but oh, to knit with the same yarn and the same colors for weeks just, well, it just messes with my brain. Kinda like how I felt with that failed attempt at what I was calling my Heidi Vest. (See that pic with me and Heidi and that bottle? That's how I feel right now with the whole designing gig.)

On other news, check out the latest Knitscene. I'm featured in it. I've been a little shy about sharing this, but what can I say?

I can feel it in my bones, folks. 2008 is going to be a doozy.

Happy New Year.

My Favorite Christmas Present, Ever.

It's a good thing I didn't finish any of my Christmas knitting except for that exceptionally tiny beret that ended up fitting my sister perfectly. It's a good thing because I am convinced that all that jazz about the big Christmas Knitting Deadline and the Will it Fit/Will They Like it Debate fluffs up the project so much in our minds that if, when the recipient finally opens their gift, they have a heart attack and go totally blind from from the joy of it all that our knit-gifting experience will never be exactly what we expect. I mean, really, let's be honest. A heart attack and total blindness--add to that a small amount of some sort of incontinence or maybe a swoon or two would fall just a tiny bit short of what we'd expect, once we add up all those skyscraper dreams, etc. that we graft into all those stitches, bulky or not.

Really. I have finally convinced myself that it is more about us rather than the people we knit for. We consider and reconsider what yarn or what pattern to knit, then we stack thought upon thought upon thought until the thoughts reach the skyscrapers and by the time the object is finished, we're sure upon all sureness in the universe that this thing will be so wonderful that no one could ever be disappointed by our efforts. Never mind our nagging thoughts that our mind-skyscraper just isn't tall enough. (And trust me, it will never be tall enough for us.)

Anyhow, like I said, it's a good thing I only finished one item. Or should I say, I only finished one knitted item. Seems, I finished a five pound or so jar of pistachio's, too, and I didn't realize until today that those pistachios are how residing on my belly and where my biceps used to be.

I swear, there were five people in this house snacking this whole month, and I think I was the only one who touched the pistachios.

On other news: I found a new loser. This thing was finished years ago, but it wasn't until about a day or two ago that I fessed up to myself that this was, indeed, a true loser. In the beginning, it was all about the ingenious design. A knitted tube! A knitted tube with sleeves! One that's knit in the round, and then knit flat, and then knit in the round again! What genius!

(Except it'll make you sweat like a pig with all that bunching up there under the arms. But that part is from memory. Try as I might, I forgot how to get the thing on.) We'll call it "The Rebecca, I forgot which Issue, Knitted Tube Nightmare in Elann.com Worsted Weight Don't-you-Dare-Wash Wool."

N.B., this pic was taken before I finished the pistachios.

On Knitting Gifts for Christmas

I have a friend who is starting a club next year wherein the members knit one small item to go toward their Christmas Present Stash each and every month. I think it is a good idea.

I think it is a good idea because gosh knows I meant to do a heck of a lot more than I actually got done so far. In fact, the one thing I *did* complete was that mini beret that most likely will not fit my little sister. And I did start that beaded scarf for my MIL, but I know that I won't finish it by the day she leaves.  Heck, I knit maybe five inches of the thing so far.

So what is it that makes us scramble when the Christmas decorations come out in September that gets us to finally get our butts in gear and begin knitting for the folks? What is it that makes us believe, in our heart of all hearts, that the folks will truly use or enjoy what we knit for them, too? And if they do actually enjoy the thing we knit them, do we worry that it'll suddenly come apart when that one person stops them on the street and says, "I love your scarf!" and one of the folks holds it up for inspection but an odd end jumps out and blows in the breeze for all to see?

That happened to me one time with a gift from a certain folk, a fake Bulgari watch that they swore could pass muster with anyone. I wore that sucker to work day after day, and wouldn't you know, the one day someone finally asked me about it in the elevator and I held it up for inspection, it literally sprung apart. (It also happened to HWWV with a fancy pen my aunt bought on Canal Street in New York.)

Remember this guy?  I bet you hands down his mommy would love some knitted booties.

Off to knit.

When Costco is Your Friend

As HWWV said about 12 years ago after a particularly difficult run: "It felt like someone turned on all the floor magnets." That's kind of how I feel. Like someone turned on all the magnets in the floor.

I feel like I'm running in place. Like I'm stuck in one of those dreams where you keep getting dressed and redressed and by the time you get all your layers back on you realize you forgot to put on your bra.

Come to think of it, that happened to me once in ninth grade. Horrified, I went to the nurse's office and about an hour later my mom showed up carrying a little paper bag.

So anyway, part of me feels like I don't have anything to give tonight, but I do. First, enjoy the fact that I have a five-pound lasagna from Costco in the oven right now (it feeds 12). I'm also going to try to pass off an undercooked and sunken frozen and almost un-thawed hunk of bread on my guests. I figure I'll just keep smiling and hope that everyone still has jet lag even though it has been more than 10 days or so.

Second, the other day I had a conversation over Cobb salads with my good neighbor friend, the one whose knack for the malapropism is second to none. (She's the one with the cousin who plays guitar with his toes.) And although this particular conversation had nothing to do with her mad Malaprop Skillz, she didn't disappoint.

Me: "So how is your husband doing on his new diet?"

Her: "He's doing great, really energized, but the doctor says he has high cholesterol so he's been taking the Levitra, and I think it has helped."

BTW: A little progress on Gilda and some yarn for Transition Gloves with the wonderful Shi Bui sock yarn. I got it from the Loopy Ewe. It was my first time shopping with them and it went great! Very fast shipping and such beautiful yarn!

BTW #2: I asked her if I could retell the story after I explained to her what Levitra was for, and she said it was okay as long as I didn't reveal her name. We're having lunch again tomorrow.

My Non-Beaded Life

A few times I have said things like, "oh, I knit this thing but I'll never use it," or "why do I knit sweaters that aren't climate compatible?..No reason! I just do!" and you better believe I'll get a note from a knitter or two or three shaking a finger at me and tisk-tisking all over the joint suggesting I pay better attention to practicality and that there are freezing people in China who could make good use out of this or that.

And I think they're right, that I should make sure whatever I produce gets used, but you know what? It doesn't always get used and like today at the LYS, it'd take waaaay more than a Mack truck with six-foot long pokers sticking out in the front and barreling toward me at 75 mph to stop me from picking up yet another project that I would never ever wear, but sure do want to knit.

This time, it's a beaded scarf. A beaded scarf. The Twisted Sisters "Gilda" Beaded Scarf. First, I don't wear beaded scarves, caps, mittens, socks or anything else like that because I'd look stupid doing some goofy yoga move with a beaded scarf hanging around my neck. I mean, really, consider what you'd think if someone swooped into the gym with dirty hair wearing a beaded scarf? What would you think if you saw her taking her shed-prone dog to the vet wearing a beaded beret, holey camouflage pants and cheap pink flip flops? Or picking up his poop when he relieves himself on his way to the appointment? I can't even imagine what my doctor would think when examining me for whatever complaint I may have while wearing beaded socks.

And then it hit me. I know a woman who'd wear a beaded anything to just about anywhere anytime (along with animal prints).

Guess who's getting this or Christmas?

Howdy Ho!

Usually, there are two random things I wonder about at least once a day for a few seconds or so. One of them is why the postman or UPS delivery person always turns off their engine when they run to the door to drop off a package and then restart their engines when they get back to the vehicle. Some days, I answer myself by saying that they must have done a lot of studies on it and try to get the best bang for their buck in terms of gas usage, but then other days I wonder if starting the engine uses more. Take my postman for example. He shouldn't ever turn off his engine when he drops a package off at our house. He's so terrified of Chuck's bark that he literally drops the package off at the door and then sprints down to the edge of our lawn and waits for me to answer the door. Then he yells: "Control your dog!" and asks me to close the door behind me and meet him on the corner to sign whatever. Shoot, you'd think a good ol' bullhorn would work better than having to stop the engine, get out of the truck, and do that crazy maneuver.

The other thing I always wonder about is why I always spot a random shoe or sock laying on the freeway. Honest.

Today, the thing that stuck out in my mind is how it is I get everything done. I typically work on my projects all day long, but I always take breaks, run to the gym, go to the store, yet with all I have to do, I get it done anyway. But this month, I'm not so sure. I have three deadlines and visitors from far, far away. One deadline is for Knits, which is the 17th and I received the remainder of the yarn TODAY. The other one is for Stewart, Tabori & Chang, my publisher, who sent me 145 pages (and 30-plus patterns) to edit by the 17th. And the last one is for Stitch Diva. This one is due at the end of the month and I have only written instructions for the body of the sweater.

Now, off to cook dinner for four hungry people. (I originally thought I'd make some oxtail soup, but then the last minute I thought oxtail might be a pork product, and decided on roast chicken, instead. Heh. OXtail.)

BTW: I finished the fingerless mittens for Girlfriend's teacher. I forgot that I wrote out some basic instructions for you about the same time, last year. I'll copy the text here so if you want to make some quickies, you can. I knit these two at a time on two circulars, so they were a snap. Note, I did do something different with the thumbs here, but the main difference is that I cut the working yarn and knit about an inch's worth of stitches with scrap yarn where the thumb should go, then reconnected the working yarn and worked in the round to the knuckles. After binding off, I carefully removed the scrap yarn, placed the stitches on double points, joined yarn, worked in the round, picking up a couple stitches along the sides then after a couple of rounds, worked 1x1 rib and bound off. That's it!

Recipe for no-fuss fingerless mitts:

1. Do a gauge swatch.
2. Measure around your wrist.
3 Cast on enough stitches to reach around your wrist plus about a half inch (round numbers to either an even number for 1x1 rib, or to a number divisible by 4 for 2x2 rib).
4. Join in round and work in ribbing for about 1.5 inches, or desired ribbing width.
5. Change to stockinette and work until the mitten reaches just above your thumb joint.
6. Bind off 8 sts at beginning of the next round (or about an inch worth of sts).
7. At the end of that round, cast on 8 sts just above those that you bound off.
8. Work in stockinette again until the mitten is just over your knuckles.
9. Change to ribbing again, for about an inch. Bind off.

It's Called "Luck," Mon Frere

I suppose if the Pillsbury Doughboy loses a lot of weight in his head he might like this. I think I'll just call this one "the anti-beret" and go hit the liquor cabinet.

What's up with this knitting thing? How is it that there's always a little bit of somethin' somethin' that's missing? Either it's too big or it's too small. Other times, it doesn't hang right and has enough errors to draw a crowd, or smacks you right across the face with HOMEMADE  instead of handmade. Plus, I can just hear someone whisper there, behind me, to her crony: "she didn't get gauuuuge...." But you know what? I did. I did get gauge. I got gauge I got gauge, I got it got it got it! I did.

Trust me on this one friends: Gauge has only a little bit to do with true Knitting Success. I have to say, however; this Malabrigo in Velvet Grape didn't hurt it a bit. The hurting part? That was all up to me.

Let's just hope my sister's head is as small as I think it is.

And let's also hope these fingerless gloves aren't too small for Girlfriend's kindergarten teacher. They're a little tight on me and try as I might get her to shake my hand this morning so I could gauge her size, she just kept backing away, probably thinking I was going to test out some sort of new, secret handshake or that I wanted to hold her hand. Poor Girlfriend.

Brioche

I think you know how hard it is to find a truly functional and versatile hand knit garment for the cooler months that will take you from Autumn to Winter and even to Spring, depending upon where you live.

And even though this version has short sleeves, you can wear Brioche layered over a long-sleeve tee or over one of your favorite warmer weather dresses like you see here, and it works great. Instructions for short and for long sleeves are included in this pattern, and the sizes run from extra small through three extra large. I'm wearing a size small here, and if you want a similar fit, knit a size an inch or two smaller than your actual bust size.

Worked from the cowl-ish collar top down and in the round, this sweater is suitable for an adventurous beginner who is comfortable working in the round and working brioche stitch, which includes yarn overs. This particular cashmere comes in a bunch of juicy colors and if you want to substitute a different yarn, I'll list a few below.

Kits are available for Brioche at One Planet Yarn and Fiber, (the kits will include the pattern) and if you purchase the pattern here and you shop at One Planet Yarn and Fiber, be sure to use the coupon code BRIOCHE on your checkout. You'll receive 10% off when you order enough yarn to complete your project. This coupon will be effective from the date of this post for one year forward.

Women’s Sizes:
X-Small (Small, Medium, Large, 1X-Large, 2X-Large, 3X-Large)

Finished Measurements:
30 (34, 36, 40, 44, 48, 50)” chest

Yarn:
Black Pearl Yarns Cashmere (100% cashmere / 200 yards / 50 grams): 4 (4, 5, 5, 6, 7, 7) hanks for short sleeves, 5 (6, 7, 7, 8, 9, 9) hanks for long sleeves (Black Onyx shown)

Needles:
One 30" (76 cm) long or longer circular (circ) needle size US 5 (3.75 mm)
One pair straight or circular needles size US 4 (3.5 mm)
One set of five double-pointed needles (dpn) size US 5 (3.75 mm), optional
One additional 30" (76 cm) long or longer circular (circ) needle size US 5 (3.75 mm) for working in the round, optional

Notions:
Stitch markers; one lightweight belt buckle, 2.5” long by 1.5” wide with 1.25” interior opening; waste yarn; tapestry needle

Gauge:
24 sts and 32 rows = 4"
(10 cm) in Stockinette stitch (St st) with larger needles

Possible Substitute Yarns (available at One Planet Yarn and Fiber; the coupon code will work for these choices if you buy enough yarn for your project.) You'll need 800(800,1000,1000,1200,1400,1400) yards for size XS(S,M,L,XL,2x,3x). The other yarn possibilities are:  Artesano Yarns Inca Cloud, Artesano Yarns Inca Mist, Jo Sharp Alpaca Silk Georgette, Jo Sharp Silkroad DK Tweed or Jo Sharp Alpaca Kid Lustre, Sheep Shop Three Merino and Silk Yarn and GGH Cumba alpaca and merino yarn.

Click on the button below to buy a copy of Brioche. It will be sent to you in a zipped PDF file via email once payment is complete. If you pay with eCheck, it'll take a few days for the eCheck to clear. Thanks!

$6.00

ChiP's

So yesterday, I'm coming home from my blood pressure check, tooling down the street, minding my own beeswax, and next thing I know, I spot a policeman on a motorcycle pointing one of those radar guns at my car!

About a quarter-mile later, I'm thinking I'm out of danger, but all of a sudden, lights are a-flashin' behind me, and well, let's just say I had to think fast because not only was I speeding, I don't have a license plate on the front of my car (it looks cooler that way) and I have really dark tinted windows to boot (wouldn't want anyone to see me while I'm doin what I'm doin while I'm driving).

So I pull into a parking lot facing in and immediately roll down all the windows. Then a very mustachioed policeman saunters up to my car and says, "Maam? You know why I pulled you over?" [Because you want to tell me that you like my car?] "I think so . . "

And next thing I know, I'm carefully pulling away with a nice little ticket, but one without the fix-it infractions because my sparkling repartee drew his attention away from the fact that I was breaking more than just a speeding law. Yeah, well. Probably not because of that. It could be that Mr. Motorcycle Po-liceman wanted to get the heck out of the rain.

As far as the knitting goes, there has been some, but not the kind I wanted. I was trying to make a beret for my sister and although I made this one in a child's size--she has a teeny tiny little head so I planned on making it only 15 inches in circumference--it turned out to be my size and for the life of me I don't know why, although I have a hunch it had something to do with the fact that while I was knitting it, I kept wishing I could keep it. (It's the Sheep Shop 3 and I sort of finagled Veronik Avery's Beret Basque pattern, the one in her wonderful Knitting Classic Style to make it smaller yet slouchier, but somehow I managed to make it even bigger in all directions.)

Back to the drawing board.

(Hey, anyone know of a good traffic school that only takes a few minutes or so?)