knit and tonic

The Knitter's Blotter

March, 2007 to Current: 67-year old Suspect and knitting designer's/Victim's FIL, acts really, really excited about a new book of patterns from the DIL, yet keeps asking when the sweaters will be available in stores. Charges are pending and will remain on file at least until 2010, 2022 or beyond. (Husband, his son, will be reminded of the infraction on a daily basis for a not-yet-determined period, or until FIL "gets it.")

September 21st, 2007: Two Suspects were caught rubbing another patron's set-aside Crystal Palace yarn on their cheeks when Victim was continuing shopping in the store. Caught red handed, one female, 46 years old and another, approximately five years older than that, when caught, pretended to smell it instead. No formal charges were filed. (Said Victim took the high road and bought the sullied yarn, yet plans on laundering it before knitting with it. Charges could not be brought; one Suspect was the shop owner.)

September 25th, 2007: Victim designer receives ugly email. The Suspect/writer, age and gender unknown, says that they don't understand the Free pattern that's available on the Victim's blog and they have many questions because so many things just "aren't right" or aren't written correctly. Victim reads the email, but there are no questions in it. Said Victim is still waiting patiently for questions to answer.

September 26th, 2007: Female Suspect, aged 50 and smelling of cigarette smoke and patchouli approaches Victim, female 44, in the yoga joint and says "Hey, I hear that knitting is the new 'yoga.'" The Victim throws up a little in her mouth, and then swallows quietly.

September 27th, 2007: One female Suspect, 52 years old and a mother of several, was overheard speaking in the general direction of a said "new" designer/Victim with a book coming out: "Jeez! Everyone and their mother has a book coming out!" And when asked directly if the Suspect/Perpetrator has a book coming out of her own, she replied with: "Nope."

If you want to submit your own Knitter's Line--Do NOT Cross "Knitter's Blotter" infraction or two, please do! Just send it to the email address you see on your upper right hand corner. I plan on compiling the best ones regularly (or semi-regularly) for all to see. If you want to, add your blog address or email address, so I can list it.

I'm doing this because, well, I'm not a complainer, but I do like to complain, just a little, and it's a good thing if you guys can act as my beard.

BTW: Lot's of stuff going on. I have two patterns coming out with Yarn Forward, a UK publication (the Winter and the Spring), and there's a Spring thing going on at KnitScene. I also finished Chuck's rag quilt. He loves it. This thing went really quickly, much quicker than the last one. I think the leather gloves kept things running smoothly while I clipped it. No blisters!

Sock Mavens: Beware

I can just hear all you sock Mavens begin to weave and moan, but this is the way most of my socks go. It's usually the toe that goes first, or maybe the heel. I suppose it depends upon whether or not they're worn inside the house mostly, or with shoes. These? Shoot, I haven't a clue. All I know is I own so many hand made socks I'm ever so slightly relieved when they finally die.

Oy. That didn't sound right (sorry, Mavens): I really don't want my socks to die. I don't. I want them to be useful and beautiful and the apple of my eye. I do. I want to cherish them. I want to wear them. And I do wear them, I do, but heck, why would I hunger to knit socks like I do if they never wore out?

And I have knit with that reinforcement nonsense, I have. I have knit with it and there's honestly no joy there. I've also knit with smaller needles at the heels and toes, etc., but really: Call me a thriller throwaway-er, but you know what? It's a good thing I knit socks at all. I mean, I could be knitting a skinny scarf, right? Not that there's anything wrong with knitting skinny scarves, but I could definitely be knitting a skinny scarf instead, you know.

I have a sock stash yarn-busting secret, too: I have a big toe on the right that's just like a drill bit sprinkled with a little Fred Flintstone. I say, what a better way to ensure you'll have plenty more socks to knit?

Shoot, I have been sitting here trying to remember what sock yarn this was. I swear, I only wore these socks maybe 10 times, maybe a few more. It's the Claudia Hand Paints. Yup. It is, but I tell you what: My current malady won't keep me from using the yarn again. Just think: I now have a reason to start a new pair.

(And at the same time it makes me think about the throw-away-ness we live with these days. I don't have an answer to it. I suppose I could darn the hell out of these or I could stop buying yarn or I could live in a loony bin instead. Meanwhile: I'll take the yoga. The other day, some lady situated herself so close to me in a wide-open room. Her hair kept getting tangled under my toes during Bridge Pose. Don't ask me how it happened.)

Unsnapped, Color Dumb and Spent

The problem with listening to your iPod while pedaling like a crazy woman at the gym is you don't hear your snaps, the opened ones along the sides of your athletic pants, thwapping together with every single stroke. Worse, I was on that bike for at least 40 minutes.

Walking back to the car I heard the snaps thwap. "What's that?" I thought. Then walking Chuck around the block an hour later, I hear it again. "There's that sound again!" I guess it's a good thing I have blond hair on my thighs. Even better, I figured out the wardrobe malfunction before the couch repairman is to arrive. (That's why I'm sitting here writing a post at 1:00 p.m. You know all about it, I'm sure: The dreaded four-hour window in which the repair person finally arrives five minutes before the end of the "window.")

I did go to Joann's to buy some more flannel. This time, for Chuck's version of the rag quilt. I'll try to post pictures as I sew it, so you can see how it actually fits together. This time I fared better at the cash register, though: 38 buckaroos.

The other stuff here is Malabrigo. More Malabrigo. I initially thought I'd work up a hat pattern (I was thinking of putting two or three versions of winter caps in one pattern), but I'm afraid I'm no Kaffe Fassett. My sense of color, unless you're talking about painting a wall a particular shade of poop, isn't so great. I'm trying to be freer with color these days, but all that dreaming about quilts and flannel has me spent.

Ix-Nay on the Idea-Uhm, Ray

I woke up today, and after I dropped Girlfriend off at school, I went on auto-pilot and next thing I know I have a new quilt on my hands. Some people wonder how I do all this stuff, how I fit it all into my day, but I gotta say, that auto-pilot function helps like you can't believe. With my particular auto-pilot function you don't become conscious enough to ask for food, water, or air. Heck, when you're in the state I'm describing, you don't even care if George Clooney has come knocking on your door with a bottle of wine and a particularly crumbly yet chewy rosemary baguette in his hands--never mind his current state of thinness or the size of the baguette.

So I spotted a rag quilt, or whatever it is that they call it, at the LYS the other day. One of the regulars, she brought in a baby-sized version to show us and next thing I knew I conveniently set up a coffee date with a friend/quilter/knitter just steps away from a quilt shop. If you've read the last few posts, you know the rest: Seventy-six bucks plunked down in a matter of minutes and high-fives all around by the quilt shop staff just seconds after the door slammed behind me.

But honest to gosh, this whole shindig lasted maybe four or so hours (thank you to my quilting friend for assisting). Imagine! Four or so hours. Four or so hours to complete a rag quilt for Girlfriend's Christmas present. Think how many of these I could make for friends and family? Think how easy it would be compared to four or so hours' worth of knitting! Shoot, some knitters, they take a whole hour for a swatch! Me? Maybe a half-hour depending upon the gauge, but a half hour of knitting a swatch for a comparable 4 or so hour knitting project becomes a 3 1/2-hour project, which becomes one little dish towel! Not that a dish towel isn't fantastic, they are, but if you're handing over just one for Christmas, you may as well not even wrap it up!  I'd say the bare minimum would be three dish cloths to wrap up, don't you think? So 12 or more hours of knitting three dish cloths compared to the rag quilt that took about 4 or so hours, the rag quilt wins, hands down, yeah?

But wait: The cotton for the dish cloths costs maybe 2 bucks a ball. The rag quilt cost me 76 bucks. Oy.

Ix-nay on the ag-ray uilt-quay idea-ay. Although I will say Chuck thinks that this one is his. Maybe I'll sew one up for him.

(With this, I chose seven prints/colors. Then I bought 7/8's yard of each. I cut 7-inch blocks of each color, and used a one-inch seam to sew them up, two at a time, with wrong sides together, selvage edges facing to one side. Then Iinked the two blocks sewn together until I had six in a row, then added on a seventh. Once I had seven blocks in a row and nine total rows, I sewed up the rows, keeping all the selvage edges facing up. Then I sewed around the whole rectangle an inch inside the edges, all the way around, twice. After an hour of clipping little fringes on every selvage (and a hearty blister on my thumb to boot), I plunked it into the washer/dryer and prayed for a nice quilt. I'll make a matching sock monkey and with the remnants, I'll make a tiny version of this quilt for him.) EDITED TO ADD: I opted to skip batting because the flannel is thick enough and we don't need the extra warmth here. Also, the back looks just like the front except it doesn't have any raw edges. Having the two squares with wrong sides together creates a backing that's smooth.

I am so pleased. I can't wait to make another. Does anyone know of a good sock-monkey pattern that isn't a kit? I think I can find the "real" socks at a local hardware store, so who needs a kit, right?

Just Thank Your Lucky Stars (that they have no idea)

I hear all sorts of complaints from knitters about what people say to them when they're knitting in public while they're waiting for a bus, sitting in church, or in a car, on a train, on a plane, or balanced on top a skateboard or what have you.

Some of these folks complain that when they get a remark, a look, or something akin to a bit of questioning, they think of it as a sort of prejudice, or some sort of challenge, as if what they're doing isn't worthwhile, valuable or something some "old lady" should be doing instead.

I have to admit I was once told that my knitting was "cute," and that gave me pause, but when you think about it, I'm sure that we have all said stupid things to those inclined to collect coins, build balsa wood planes or do wonky karate chops here and there, even in the corner bakery (at an annoying fly).

I mean, let's face it, we can agree to have people not understand what we are doing on a plane, on a train, on a skateboard, or in line at the post office, but do you really want them to spot you knitting, and instead of saying the usual stupid stuff, say the following, instead?:

• "I see that you are throwing. Don't you think the Continental method is more efficient?"
• "Wowee wow wow. You're quite the cheap gal. That Lion Brand has come a long way, but not a long way enough."
• "Size 10's? Are you crazy? I have the same yarn on my needles in my car. I'm using size 8's."
• "That acrylic sucks."
• "What'd you pay for that?" [you answer] . . . "Sucker!"
• "Jeez. Your gauge, hate to break it to you, but it's really off."
• "Man alive, you sure knit like crap."
• "Your technique: Very interesting. How long do you suppose it'll take you to finish that row?"
• "My 10-year old knits better than you do."
• "I used that same yarn in a sweater for my aunt. It bled like a mo-fo."
• "I sure hope the recipient of that fun-fur eyelash scarf isn't a smoker!"
• "Although I like the fair isle well enough and the intarsia not as much, that alpaca you are working with just doesn't lend itself to color work. Don't you think a regular wool would be more suited? I mean, that alpaca, it's pretty and all, but in my opinion, it'll fare better in a drape-y sweater. Hey, is this your stop? No? In that case, let me tell you what I've learned about alpaca versus the Yak. The Yak, it's something new on the market, but after my extensive research . . . "

I'm thinking we should give it up, friends. You know, allow the people who do not know, not know. You know?

BTW: Still knitting the second pair of Charades. I chose the linen color and they are coming along, but I've been so busy (sitting on my duff) that I haven't made so much progress. And this weekend we celebrated three birthdays. The highlight was my wearing skates after almost 20 years. 20 years! (Oh and yeah, that's my brother in law. He's cool.)

When Obsession Cancels Itself Out & Juliet

This morning I met a galfriend for coffee right outside a quilt shop (I think you may already know where this is going). Anyway, we're knitting and chatting and I'm feeling a bit of a soulful breeze and I look over my left shoulder and spot the quilt shop. And instead of the sign saying "Quilt Shop" or whatever the heck the name is, it says "Come to me! Come in and spend 76 bucks on flannel!" So I did.

(And I could just hear the women who work at the quilt shop dropping their betweens and jumping off their comfy chairs while smacking high-fives all around and doing a round of "Whoop! There it is!" the second the door slammed behind me.)

Not that I quilt. I mean, I used to hand quilt way back when, before I was this self, but now I wouldn't even know where to begin. I tell you what, though, when a girl who knits (GWK's) goes into a quilt shop, she must buy some flannel. Especially the stuff that has the Sock Monkey theme splattered all over it. Really.

On another note, this evening, after I told him how nice the latest Hatha class was, HWWV declared that this would become a Yoga blog. I said, of course, it would not, and that if I had anything relevant to say about yoga, I'd definitely start a different blog, which would be an interesting venture, but something I'll never, ever do. Wouldn't want to tee off the yogis, you know.

I was just thinking how funny the whole Hobby/Obsession Thing works. First, you get excited about Knitting and next thing you know, you're visiting the LYS and buying wool or whathaveyou in lots the likes you ponder might, once knitted, clothe a small city. Now, not only am I eating up the yarn like a crazy giant moth with a serious hormonal imbalance and an angry habit of eating while sleepwalking and dreaming about flannel, I'm carrying canvas totes here and there for groceries, and meditating on the subject of about how I'll ever get Girlfriend to stuff those plastic water bottles into that giant recycle-r thing that'll give her a few cents in return.

At least, with the knitting, I could give out the knitted garments so someone else would feel better. With the yoga thing, I'm feeling better, but while I do it, I am thinking about cutting back, and looking for cans to recycle, or buying boxed wine because it'll collapse better than a bottle while in the garbage. Come to think of it, on my way to Whole Foods yesterday, I had to wait for a well-dressed lady to riddle through the trash for "stuff" before I could make my way into the joint, where, just around the corner, they displayed those expensive Heirloom tomatoes.

I wonder if she does yoga.

Interesting conundrum.

Done with Juliet. It is honestly fabulous.

Info & Mods: Worked with Tahki Stacy Charles "Bunny" on size 9's instead of two worsted's held together (they do give info about working with a bulky yarn, though.) I also had 14 yards shy of what they called for, so I just worked the length until I thought I'd nearly run out, ending with a Row 6, and instead of working a wrong-side row, I started up with the garter stitch right away and only worked 2 rows. Then I bound off. Who knows how long the thing is--I haven't measured it--but this is the sort of thing you can try on as you go and work to the perfect length. For me, it was a crap shoot because of the dearth of yarn, but heck. It looks great and I love it. (I used Pearle Cotton, crocheted--16 chains--for the loops.) Oh, and I did a size extra small, which I could never wear under normal conditions, but with the raglans, I tend to err on the size of small. It worked!

When You Have No Right to Complain

I gotta say at the get-go: Friends, If you're looking to sweat it out at the old YogaWorks, take a one-half mile jog before you get there, because in our case (meaning Mr. Hula and me) we've been snoozing through a lot of the stuff on the yoga menu these past few days.

That's not to say that what we are experiencing isn't VALUABLE because it is. Shoot, I haven't relaxed in years. So, I figure, if I'm paying 75 bucks a month to take some yoga and have a bit of a snooze there on the bamboo floor, then it shall be. It's a good way to experience bamboo floors, I tell you what. Because, my dirty white carpets are nearly killing me.

But that's beside the point. I think I'll find my way to nirvana sans yarn and dumbbells someday, someway, yet after four classes, some of which I'll definitely try again, I won't be taking the basic Iyengar class again unless it moves faster, plus, the elderly teacher's shorty-short-short tie-dyed bloomers nearly sent me into another round of optical migraine vertigo--not that those bloomers were moving fast or anything...

This Juliet pattern--the one I have no business knitting because I have too much to do--has been fun for me because it is worked from the top as I like it and you can try on as you can go. I rarely go to the bulky side of the gauge-spectrum, but I think this one will still flatter. I normally knit a small or a medium, yet I opted for an extra-small only because I have recently written a ton of patterns, some of them raglans, and I have decided that going down a size in a raglan is a safe way to go--in spite of the schematic-- especially if you experience wide sleeves.

Ugh. I haven't yet told you what was on my mind. Actually, the truth is, my forearm, my right one, has been hurting me these past few days. I was ready to blame it on the yoga, but somehow it doesn't make sense, because, let's face it, the last thing I've done these past four days is stand on my hands, shoot, the teachers, although they sent us into Down Dog for like, a second, they sent us back into some sort of Corpse position so fast your back would snap, so it couldn't be the yoga.

(Come to think of it, I think it's the bulky yarn that I'm using for Juliet--let's not talk about it.)

So back to the thing I wanted to talk about since the beginning of the post. I was at my neighbor's house the other day. Turns out, she was just back from a family wedding and I agreed to watch the video. Of course, it was over an hour long and I viewed it on that tiny screen on the back of her digital video camera. The sound was great, I heard some lovely, lonely guitar music behind the scenes throughout. And just when I couldn't take it anymore, I thought I'd break the monotony with, "You know, my forearm, it really hurts. I don't know if it is from the new yoga or from knitting a bulky garment on size 9's. Do you know that knitting at various gauges can affect you differently?" (She's not a knitter but she nodded as if she understood.) "Some will make you hurt, some won't. Some will bore you to tears, some will make you dream good dreams. And of course, there are many knitters who complain about 100 percent cotton because they say it hurts their hands. Oh, and my forearm, it hurts! By the way, that guitar music there in the background of your video. It's lovely! Really haunting, you know?"

"Yeah, that's my cousin. He was born with no hands. He plays guitar with his toes. I wish I captured him on this video, but I couldn't figure out how to use the zoom."

Namaste Yarn

One of the best things about dragging HWWV* to the Yoga studio, the one I just joined because of all that nerve pain and the other injuries that happened while I was knitting like a banshee these past several months, is that people always seem to come up to us and ask some really fantastic questions. Today, after a boring Iyengar yoga class (I'm no expert, but those Iyengar Yogis sure are anal about foot/hip/thigh positioning. Shoot, the teacher kept stopping the class to wax on about the do's and don'ts of where your baby toe goes; I even heard HWWV yawn behind me at one point. I didn't dare look back at him, because the teacher would have slapped me.)

But back to why it's cool to have him around:

After we endured this incredibly long, verbose Iyengar class that HWWV has now dubbed "Anal-gar Yoga," and while we were packing up, a woman quietly walked across the room and asked him: "Would you happen to be a dancer?"

"I do dance," he said. (Probably thinking about some potential TV Dance Show or something.)

"Oh! Great! So, you do the Hula?"

And just as he took a step back to grab hold of the Great Yoga Wall, I had one of the most sensational opportunities I've had in a long time for a little repartee. So I stepped in close.

"Maam, my husband wouldn't do any sport, dance, or consider taking a walk across the street unless fashionable shoes were required."

"Oh. Okay, but the way he looks. We happen to need a man in our troop. We've won awards, but we're short one guy these days, and he looks like a Hula dancer. He really does. . . Hey, you look like a dancer, too. Do you do the Hula?"

I tell you what: Some days I think I want to move away from California, but after today, I think I'll stay another few months. And this establishment, the Yoga place I've joined, is beginning to look like it might be a breeding ground for some interesting posts. I mean, you gotta love it when a random woman wants your husband to hula dance with her troop. (And better: Just a couple hours ago, he asked me what had transpired. Turns out, he blacked out a little when she mentioned the Hula dancing.)

On yarn news. Someone should make a rule that people with more than, say, six projects on the needles are NOT allowed in the LYS. On my way to Girlfriend's school today, I stopped in at the LYS and managed to plunk down 60 buckaroos for some yarn that's meant for something I'll never wear, or ever have the time to knit. I must be totally loco.

The yarn you see here is the Tahki Yarns Bunny. I bought 6 balls of it--all they had left--but the pattern I want would require 7 balls. See? I am totally loco.

Namaste.

*HWWV = "He Who Wears Versace."

Edited to add: Mona suggested I tell you what the color number is, just in case someone has a leftover. It is: Color 009 and the Lot is 3261. It is a nice mulberry/dark lavender color. I do have to say that I cast on for the project (will show you later) and I am thinking that I will get away with the six balls I have, but you never know until the yogi sings.

Christmas Knitting and Re-Gifting Losers

I was just sitting here thinking about knitting Christmas gifts because all of a sudden I'm overhearing conversations and seeing references to the number of items and the types of knitted gifts people will be making and giving during the Holidays.

So it's September now, and that means we have less than a few months to finish up. Shoot, unless I'll be giving out swatches or items with the needles still in them for Christmas, no one, and I mean no one, will be getting a knitted item from me. The rate I'm going, I wonder if I'll even finish up half the things that are on my needles at the moment. I mean, really, you'd think I'd have my Beachcomber Tunic done by now, after all this time, and shucks, those herringbone socks could have been completed except someone accidentally pulled the needles out from one of the socks. If it were plain stockinette, they'd be back on the needles and moving along nicely, but have you tried placing herringbone stitches back on the needles on two circulars? I tell you what, the experience alone could send you back to 1964, mental-wise.

I think we should go with the ol' regime of setting your clock behind so you get there on time by renaming the "Christmas Knitting" term, don't you? Maybe call it "Easter Knitting" and give ourselves eight months' time? Or how about "New Year's Knitting"? That'd be great! Then we'd have almost a full 12 months' knitting time after our one week's knitting vacation from the previous year's wild stint. Just enough time to recover from nerve pain and fall in love again with the yarn.

Not to mention all those nutty Valentine's people who start putting out the paper hearts; pink, silver and red-colored kisses out when it's hardly January 2nd.

I guess I could go through the Loser pile for potential knitted give-aways because we all know that except for my sidebar those items haven't seen the light of day. Not to mention most of you don't think they're as bad as I think they are. Yeah, I could give away some Losers but maybe change their names. But then again, that's probably not a good idea. No one would want to receive that "Rebecca No. 25 Striped No-No," "The "Menor-Huh(?) Hoodie Nightmare," or worse, the "Biggest Loser of 2005," which come to think of it, has already been frogged.

Nope. No one will be getting a knitted gift from me this year.

And guess who started Kindergarten today?