When Only a "Smile" Will Do.

Back in the day, I took a jazz dance class or two and would come home in the evening and turn up the Pat Benatar and expect my parents to watch me do some jazz fingers or what have you. Thing is, they never looked all that enthused.

Truth be told, I wasn't either.

Some days, like today, I feel so out of it. I thought I was getting a handle on things, what with the you-knows arriving today. I thought I'd get a nice workout in this morning to kick out the kinks but it just wasn't in the cards. Seems like I was on edge, or the annoying people decided to occupy the gym in droves at 9:00 a.m. this morning without pause.

I arrived at the gym a bit earlier than usual, so I'm not really allowed to poke too much at those who arrive at that particular time, because, let's face it, I'm a 10:30-ish gal and those who do the gym-thing regularly understand that there are Gym-Waves. And each wave has a personality of its own. (Please note, I only know the following two waves. I don't get out much after noon.)

5:30 a.m. to 9:00 a.m.: Quickie nine to fiver's, mothers with husbands who have to leave the house by nine; policemen just off the beat for a quick steamer, bodybuilders who plan on a second run at, oh, 8:00 p.m or a little later, after the protein shake settles.

9:00 a.m. to 10:30-ish a.m: Step-class aficionado's--the ones who like the "old-skool" step with lots of yelling and screaming from the burly gal-teacher who really should let her hair grow. Pre-preschool mothers who drop their kids off and arrive in teams of two, sometimes three, and get a shower in later, and apply a lot of makeup before they leave, all the while talking on cell phones under signs that say "No cell phone use in the Locker Room."

(I was on the treadmill while that crowd arrived. It was like running the gauntlet.)

First, the two would-be half-marathon walkers got on the treadmills flanking me (there weren't any two together). Next, they proceeded to talk over me, mostly about "stuff," I think. I kept turning up my iPod, but I got to figuring that if my eyes were nearly on the fritz, my ears were, too, and it would be better to relocate.

My next stop: Bike. I hopped on one behind the recumbent bikes. Looked like it was all free to me, and I had a nice view of the mom's elbowing each other out of the way on the padded area where all the important ab work is accomplished.

Next thing I know--maybe a half-minute later--two gals come in and find the two recumbents in front of me. All manner of Hollywood talk gets-a-goin' and next thing I know they're pointing out their botox bruises. Heh. (Let me tell you: If I had one, I wouldn't point it out. I mean, what's up with that? At least lie and say your kid smacked you with her Barbie, or something.)

I'm tired. I'm dreading. And to think I was all wired up for the Big Arrival, today.

Turns out, HWWV and I got the date wrong. They arrive Tomorrow. Talk about anti-climatic.

So let's look at something that will help us all to link arms tonight. Haven't all of you experienced this, or at least known someone who has?

Ah, the Holidays. Good times, I tell you.

P.S. See this Santa? He's the same guy we encountered last year who arrived at a very boozy party and insisted on a cross breeze and a martini.

Comments

[Lizbon]

Poor girlfriend looks scared to death! I hope she didn't confide anything serious to him - he doesn't sound too trustworthy (by her expression, I'm guessing she wouldn't give him the time of day).

This is so odd - I just this minute finished blogging about a completely different subject but ended up mentioning your crazy gym stories, then went to check out K&T before going to bed, and here is a fresh crazy gym story. OK, not so odd - your gym is often full of wild tales, but still...

[Tammy]

Ah yes... the terrified child in Santa's arm picture. I've got quite a few of those. It's funny when you stop to consider that we do this for them.

[Carol]

Was just about to find a Santa to take my kids to visit. Maybe we'll just write those letters instead...

[Debbie]

Oh, poor girlfriend! I remember those days as a kid. Santa is great until you have to be there on his knee.

[shobhana]

i agree. girlfriend looks scared. very scared.

[April]

oh no. Girlfriend will never forgive you.

[Sarah]

I can just hear Girlfriend's inner monologue: "Ew, skanky Santa! Keep those hands to yourself!"

[Mel]

That's not bad. My 12 year old daughter and her friend begged me to get their picture taken with santa the other night at the mall. As they were sitting on his lap, waiting for the camera to snap the picture, santa asked these 2 pre-teen girls if they had "My Space" pages?!?!?!? I almost jumped him!

[maryse]

i think every mother has a frightened child picture with santa.

[Rosi G.]

I just realized that I don't have ANY pictures of my kids sitting on Santa's lap! I need more pictures to torture them with when they're older so that will be one trip we make this year. All 4 of them will need to sit on Santa. He!

By the look on Girlfriend's face, Santa still had that Martini breath!

[empress]

Oh goodness! I hope she didn't smell the breeze/martini mix on him. Look at her face!

[Lizbon]

Heh - martinis and cross breezes, that's how he gets that red nose...

[Giovanna]

Poor Girlfriend. Reminds me of many a Santa photo that my mom has. Ah memories...

[robinv]

The look on Girlfriend's face says it for all of us dreading christmas! Hopefully she was giggling by the end of the photo shoot.

[gina L]

That face! Heartbreaking! Has she ever wanted to go see santa again?

[Elizabeth M.]

I shouldn't laugh at poor GF, but my, that picture says it all! I've never taken my kids to see a Santa. Owen asked the other day why malls don't do that anymore. I said, sotto voce, that they do, but since I don't go to The Mall, we never see it. I didn't want The L.E. to catch wind of what he's missing.

[Juti]

Your gym is WAY more interesting than mine.

[john]

She's like...."Mooooooooommmmmmmy???!!?!??" Love it.

[Bonne Marie]

Poor Girlfriend!

This is such bonding Americana there is a whole site dedicated to it:
the Scared of Santa collection
http://www.southflorida.com/events/sfl-scaredsanta,0,2245506.photogallery?index=1

[Gaile]

I saw the scared of Santa link on Bonne Marie's site, and then arrived here in time to see poor girlfriend's face. Oh my! She'll forgive you. Time (and big gifts from Santa) have a way of blurring the memories. With the you-knows arrival on the horizon, maybe you could use a martini?

[Isela]

Poor girlfriend, she looks like she wants to jump off his lap, hehehehe.

[Charity]

Poor GF! I have a picture of my screaming daughter with a very happy looking Easter bunny - I feel your pain. :0)

[My Merino Mantra]

That is the best looking Santa I have ever seen, and I haven't had any martinis or cross breezes!

[Adam]

Hahah! That's a hilarious picture! Reminds me of a news story I saw last night about a new survey of people who work as Santa during Christmas. They said that they get peed on all the time by scared children and that they're always getting sick from kids coughing on them and such. Interesting job I say.

Glad you have a day of reprieve! Better get some knitting time in before the big arrival tomorrow when HWWV hides all your needles!

[Gina]

Girlfriend clearly remembers cross-breeze Santa.